The Scissor Fiends
Written with love for Eowyn and Coco, to be read aloud to them by my darling Bens whilst I am in
Once upon a time there were two scissor fiends – a big sister, whose scissor-nose was long and sharp, and a small sister, whose scissor-nose was short and blunt, The sisters loved each other very much, and would bounce around their world holding hands and singing songs. Their world, I should tell you, was planet Jupiter, the biggest, roundest, merriest planet in our solar system, with a big, red spot on the side. One day, the sisters found a little, green spacecraft. There seemed to be a kind of old-fashioned typewriter sitting inside it, with a golden question mark painted on its side. There was a piece of crumpled paper in the typewriter.
Little sister scissor fiend excitedly bounced onto the keys. SSSSSSAAAAAATTTTTTTUUUUUU bumped the keys. And then they all got stuck together. Big sister scissor fiend crossly pulled them all apart. “SatuRN!” she cried, finishing off the word. “You wrote Saturn! The ring-ed planet!” The little green space ship begin to bump up and down and make a very loud noise. The sisters looked at each other. Everything went eerily quiet. Suddenly, the little space ship began hurtling off into the sky, towards the stars. The sisters were thrown into the two seats, and quickly fastened their seatbelts, being very good at this sort of thing.
The teeny weeny green space ship arrived at Saturn, hovering gently over Saturn’s rings. The rings glowed gently in the starry night sky, each shimmering and emitting every colour in the rainbow, glinting, just for little moments, like Mummy’s ocean green nose jewel. The sisters jumped out of the space ship and danced around the rings. When the small sister wasn’t watching, the big sister cut right through all the rings, a very tinky thing to do indeed.
Exhausted, the sisters flopped back into the space ship, big sister typed ‘HOME’ and off they whooshed, Jupiter’s red spot getting bigger and bigger and bigger! At home, they were very excited about their adventure, and used a secret word, namely GALICULA GLEE to speak of Saturn’s rings, so Mummy and Daddy wouldn’t find out.
Next morning, little scissor fiend popped her booster seat in first and climbed into the spacecraft before anybody else was awake and typed ‘SATURN’. The spacecraft made a very loud noise and belched and bumped and wiggled, and then went quiet. Little sister was sad, and about to climb out and get ready for school when suddenly, the spaceship whizzed off into the sky. Of course, she fastened her seatbelt.
The first thing she did when she arrived at Saturn was to carefully type ‘HOME’ onto the typewriter with the golden question mark on the side. The next thing she did was most exceedingly tinky – very slowly, as her scissor-nose was still short and blunt, she cut all the way through Saturn’s rings. She danced off. Not realising her elder sister had also cut through the rings, she was quite taken about to find her way to another cut, which she thought was hers, but actually was her sister’s, and see no space ship. She was frightened, and ran as fast as she could back to her cut. She realised her cut was different to the other cut, as it was a little more wibbly-wobbly, her scissors being, as we know, somewhat blunt and short.
Lo and behold, the spacecraft was gone! Being a good, obedient little sort, it had read ‘HOME’, and whizzed back there. Big sister was just about to ride her bike to school when the spacecraft arrived. She thought little sister had already left on the the bus, until she saw the booster seat in the spacecraft. Oh dear, she thought. She jumped in, and typed ‘SATURN’S RINGS’. The spacecraft made an awfully loud noise, and then stopped. Big sister scissor fiend was somewhat dejected and about to get out when WHOOOSH! Off into space she flew. She ran all around Saturn’s rings, from one cut to the other, not knowing there were actually two cuts, crying and calling her sister’s name. “Little sister, I love you, and I will never be mean to you again. Well, I might occasionally be, but I’ll try very hard. I just can’t imagine you not being there with me so much of the time and you’re the best!” Suddenly, across the other side of the jagged cut, which unbeknownst to Big sister scissor fiend had actually been made by little sister scissor fiend, there she was! Little sister scissor fiend, crying too and reaching out her arms. “Thank you so so so so so very much for coming to save me, big sister scissor fiend! I love you too and I am so thankful for you!”
However were they going to cross the chasm? The little green spacecraft began to make a loud noise, even though nothing new had been written on the typewriter embossed with a golden question mark, and before big sister could get in, its door had slammed on Saturn’s rings, and it was chugging and pulling as hard as it could, to bring the two rings together. The sisters ran across the newly formed path, and hugged. Little sister proudly showed big sister how she could write ‘HOME’, and off they went.
Oh dear – on arrival home, they realised Saturn’s rings – well, actually, HALF Saturn’s rings – were streaming behind the little green spacecraft. When they opened the door to get out, the rings formed a circle, above their bunk bed, and slowly danced around, shimmering gloriously, glinting every colour in the rainbow. The girls looked up, amazing at such beauty. However were they going to get them back to Saturn? They couldn’t leave that planet only half surrounded by rings! Each girl tried really hard to catch the rings, but they wavered and wriggled and danced and jiggled elusively, keeping just out of reach, ever spinning around in their glorious pattern.
The scissor fiends looked at each other, and decided from hence forth, they wouldn’t cut anything unless they really knew they were allowed to cut it. As each girl went off to school, she wondered how ever they would manage to get the beautiful rings back to Saturn. And that, dear Eowyn and Coco, is the story I shall tell you on my return from Kerstin and