Today, I am sitting on the hardwood floor, in our lounge room. My body feels pretty normal. My neck aches a little, my tummy is full of dinner, my mouth tastes nicely, of the drink I just gulped. I am weary from a day of work, and the transition of coming home to my beautiful, energetic, noisy children. Benjamin is cycling home in the darkness. I am always happier when everyone is safely home. My biggest fear is one of my loved ones dying.
Oh, and I have lymphoma, stage four. What does this even mean? I'm just me. Mortal, but that is in the one-day-far-away category, isn't it? The doctor, bizarrely, told me there are a lot of little lymphomae, tripping around my lymph system, like jiggling jelly-fish in a warm sea. Some of them have twisted all together, left of my belly-button, and I can feel them. An 8cm x 5cm mobile mass, says the computerised tomography report. I can feel lumps in my neck and groin, and can imagine these funny little lymphomae, dancing around w…
SAM!!!!! 'Twas a pleasure to meet such an adorable wee lad today!!
I am really enjoying spending time with close friends here in Seattle. Today Katie and I had a lovely relaxing catch-up, and early in the morning, Nikki and I walked around Green Lake, talked and prayed. It was a healing, nurturing time for which I am thankful. Laurel and Melissa bounced around this evening for a bridesmaid dress fitting. Laurel is so excited about marrying Christofer in 10 days!
I find Seattle's gray weather (yep, it's freezing cold here. Anywhere else in the world, this would be called WINTER!) very difficult. Every time I return from being away, my soul aches with a deep sense of not belonging, of missing 'my people', with whom I have a long history. Yet today, and the wonderful friends I spent it with, was so comforting. Even though this place isn't my 'home' in a heart sense, the people here whose stories and lives I share are superb.
Yet, as a wealthy Westerner, can I EVER really walk in her shoes? I had 3 days off over the last 7 days. On one of them, my ten thousand steps involved ambling southwards with Benjamin along the Withywindle in the morning, and northwards with Bens, Eowyn, Coco, Mateja and Maia in the afternoon. On another of my days off, I wandered through the forest to Seren and Jonathan's, and then walked with them at a leisurely pace. Yesterday, I walked along lovely trails and through Princes' Park to a tranquil Taize meditation on Jesus' death and resurrection. My line in the liturgy was 'Can we enter with Jesus into his pain? Can we enter with others into their pain? Can I embrace my own pain?'
I remember my first day in Kirema, Uganda, Mrs Sewagoma dancing along the path, smiling and talking with me and laughing. It all seemed so amazing, this new place, the lush, green tropical beauty. I tried to imagine what it must be like to b…