Saturday, July 12, 2008

July 10 & 11 2008

Yesterday was Nana's funeral. There was a beautiful photograph of her as a bride at the front of the church, with the most gracious, demure expression on her face. Somehow, having an actual funeral made the fact of her death real, causing deep tears to flow from my heart down my face. People's stories about her - her gentle kindness, her love of laughter, her impishness - made me thankful for her. I can't understand why I was so mean to her in the early years of Bens and my marriage. I think moving to the USA was so overwhelming for me, I feared I would be consummed and somehow lose who I was, and where I was from, in a culture which was so all-encompassing to those existing within it. On her deathbed, dear, gracious Nana expressed to me a deep understanding of the pain I went through during that transition. Her words and soft looks and touch were so healing for me. I love her. I love that she has the grace to forgive me for pushing her away.

She has been a wonderful, loving, committed Nana to my girls. It breaks my heart that she won't be around for the rest of their lives on earth. There was opportunity for people to share stories and memories during the funeral, and Coco went up the front and into the microphone said "I love Nana". Eowyn's favourite memories of Nana are going to the park and having Nana read 'Angelina Ballerina'. Benjamin's eulogy was the best I've ever heard. You can read it on his blog (there's a link in the sidebar! On his blog is a link to a special facebook memory page for dear Nana)

These are the words I spoke in loving memory of Nana at her funeral:

"In summer 2001, Sue and her sister Kathy and Carol went together to see the Old Man of the Mountain, which has since fallen down. Benjamin, Ben and I met Sue at the airport, and we told her our exciting news, that we were pregnant with our first baby, Eowyn. Sue was SO excited and delighted, she told every single person we met on the way out of the airport: "I'm gonna be a Grandma! I'm gonna be a Grandma!" She had been the most amazing, giving, caring, loving Nana to Eowyn and Coco, and I am so thankful for her. On her deathbed, Kat and I were snuggled next to her on the couch. I said 'I love you Mom'. She said 'I love you. You took some getting used to, but I love you.' Thank you."

Dear Nana, thank you so much for your love, forgiveness, grace and wisdom. Thank you for honouring me and laughing with me and trusting me and being such an amazing mother to Benjamin and Kat, and such a devoted, delightful, concerned Nana to Eowyn and Coco. I love you. I'm looking forward to the Ady Ladies Tea Party in Heaven. Love Megs

We were all exhausted and sad after yesterday. It seemed a very significant chapter in our lives had come to an end. Our biggest focus of energy for the whole of 2008 has been being with Nana through the dying process. Every goodbye possibly the last. Beautiful moments of conversation, of singing to her on her deathbed and reading from Celtic Daily Prayer and the Bible.

This morning my alarm awoke me to a glorious, sun-shiney day. I looked at photos of Nana in our photo album, and felt thankful for her life. The idea of going off to work seemed heavy and overwhelming. Just before I hopped on my bike, I kissed sleeping Eowyn and sleeping Cosette and then sleeping Benjamin goodbye, and checked the time on my cellphone so I could get an accurate idea of how long it takes me to ride to this new Little PEPpers group in Bitterlake.

There was a brand new text message: Fr: Sebastian* Baby jones boy number 3 born 2pm at home. Mother and child both well. Jul 11, 7.17am

I texted my reply: HURRAH! we love you FIVE Jones'! Off to work i ride in the sun, jubilant at the news of my nephew's safe arrival! Love Megs

Where I had felt exhausted, excitement energised me. I bounced onto my bike and rode down the hill, conversing with Tom, then Bastian, Eddie, Anita and BABY, who gurgled just before we hung up! What a wonderful, delightful family they are, and what a gift, to be able to share the joy of baby's arrival. Congratulations dear ones, and love, (Auntie) Megan!!
*I have the Baker Street Jones' different phone numbers listed each under a different family member's name!!

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