Evening comes when you call, and all nature listens to you because you hold it all. And now you hold me.
Celtic Daily Prayer
Dear, precious Emma, My heart breaks that you die tonight. I love you so, and remember... I remember you sleeping next to my bed, me scratching your ears and your neck and your tail, and kissing your wet nose. Sometimes you would jump into my bed, you big black dog, and take up so much room that I would push you out, and you would groan!
I remember you giving birth to your little puppies, and eating your placenta, and being such a lovely Mother.
I remember walking with you for hours and hours along beaches where dogs were not allowed(!), but you weren't just a dog! You would be delighted to find a smelly, rotting fish, and roll in it, and bring the foul aroma home! Today on the phone I told you we'd have a beach walk date together in heaven, and you sniffed the 'phone.
I love you Emma. You are part of my family. You were part of my wedding, and part of my adolescence, and a shoulder I could always count on to bury my head in and cry. You accept me and love me and look up at me with your trusting, lovely brown eyes.
Sleep now, Emma, sleep, and away with your sorrow, Sleep now, Emma, sleep, and away with your sorrow, Sleep now, Emma, sleep, and away with your sorrow, Sleep, my loved one, in the Rock of the fold.
Sleep, Emma, O sleep in the calm of all calm. Sleep, Emma, O sleep in the guidance of all guidance. Sleep, Emma, O sleep in the love of all loves. Sleep my loved one, in the Lord of life. Sleep my loved on in the God of life.
Sad news. Dear Emma-dog is going to be put down on Friday at 5pm in Port Macquarie, Australia. I am devastated. Dear Emma. I remember her sleeping in Sam's Parramatta bed she was a pup, and my bed in Perth when she was big. Emma and I went for walks on the beach together most days in Perth, she smelling delicious rotting fish on the beach, me soaking in the blue sky and sparkling sea and soft white sand. I remember Emma jumping up to kiss me and giving me minor concussion, Emma walking into the room with a shoe in her mouth, wagging her tail with the most gorgeous doleful expression in her brown eyes. I adore Emma. It is so hard being far, far away, and wanting to hug her and say goodbye. Bens says Jesus will look after her and she'll be with him in heaven. That thought is comforting. It's all sad and heavy inside me. Emma's been part of the entire second half of my life...until now. I hate death. Life had better win in the end!!!
Do you ever have one of those moments of clarity where you think: "But of COURSE! From now on..." I had one tonight. I was talking to Shayla about Patricia, my Punk Rocker friend. Shayla said: "People don't need labels. Just Patricia will do," and I replied: "But of COURSE! From now..."
We made zines in writing group, and Shayla's went like this: "People don't need labels. To separate people into groups just by what they look like and what they're into is ridiculous and makes them think they have nothing in common with each other. Labels separate people from each other. Labels make them forget they're all human."
Today we had a playdate with some of Coco's peps group, which was really fun!! Here's a little quiz for you! These pics are taken on our orange couch, which was so uncomfy to sleep on, we got rid of it, just for Mum! Which is Eowyn's peps group, which is Coco's peps group, which one is EOWYN and which one is COCO?!!!! My beautiful babies!!! I love them so!!
J'adore mon Bens, ma Eowyn et ma Coco!! We have just had a wonderful time with the Rowe family, and said goodbye. Goodbyes hurt my heart so very much. Many of the most important and dear people live far, far away, and whilst it is EXCELLENT being with them and enjoying the wonder of their presence, to say goodbye, which I seem to have to do so often, like to the lovely Rowes today, leaves a deep, deep ache. And yet I am thankful for three things. The ache being there means the love is magnifique. My dear and delightful little family, Bens, Eowyn & Coco, are with me almost all the time. Jesus is with me, even through and beyond death. My biggest desire is for my little family and my loved ones to be there too. I don't really understand what will happen when I die, how it will feel. I long so much for that to be the time when all the misplaced longings and sorrowful goodbyes are fulfilled in a deep being with each of you I love.
Eowyn's best friend Talya has been with her lovely family in Israel for the summer. The two girls were VERY happy to see each other! School begins today, and they are in the same class again!! Hooray!!!!
AND what's more, Eowyn's best-friend-in-Australia, INDIA, and the wonderful Taylor, Ethan, Apey and Dave are coming on Friday! We are very excited!
My good friend Katie told me Renee & James B., her youth group leaders of yore were starting a church plant, after the model of HTB in England... I googled them and we went, and what's more, SAM met James B in London, and introduced him to me when he and Becca were here looking after us all when dear Coco was brand new. We went to http://www.unionchurchseattle.org/AboutYou.aspx last night, and they are really keen for me to be part of their Alpha team ... looks like a good thing!
Mummy: "How did you feel during your tantrum?" Eowyn: "Sad. And mad." Mummy: "How did you soothe yourself?" Eowyn: "Sucking my thumb. And singing a song." Coco: "And kicking things over!!"
These pics are from our refreshing, beautiful hike yesterday, with Susan, who was here from Canada for Laurel and Chris' wedding. The tree and Susan and me are by Eowyn! Coco's appointment today confirmed that she has dysphagia (difficulty swallowing) and will need to continue having thickened fluids. Her dear little wind-pipe is enlarged and inflamed from the ongoing irritation to her lungs from fluid going down the wrong way. Please pray for her. She and Eowyn are so dear and precious. Bens is in California on business. We are getting very excited about Rachel and Victor's wedding!
...was absolutely beautiful. The minister talked about how when we are 80 we won't be worried about how many cars we had, or what hair products, but about RELATIONSHIPS! It was really wonderful to be Laurel's bridesmaid - her creativity, enthusiasm and zest are delightful, and today has been a blesssing. And off they go to the Greek Islands!!!!
"I just can't imagine anyone not thinking that Chris is so wonderful as I think he is!" Laurel (& then Melissa, Bethany & Christel again & again & again!!)
"You've found some non-sas!" Bethany
"Getting married is weird?!" Laurel, her veil flying out the car window, 2am-ish
At the after-party we ate ANNA'S IRISH CREAM FUDGE!!!
(Which was so very delish I just had to get the recipe!! Actually, I'm going to print this page and put it in Laurel's Recipe Book!!!)
Melifluously melt 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, 1 cup white chocolate chips and 1/4 cup of butter/marg ... add a cup of Irish Cream & 3 cups powdered (icing) sugar, press into a pan & refrigerate until hard ... THEN melt 1 cup semi-sweet choc chips, 1/2 a cup white choc chips, 2 tablespoons o' butter, add 4 tablespoons Irish Cream, spread on top, chill & EAT!
"It doesn't matter how much you have, we need more!!!" Anna HAPPY HAPPY MARRIAGE TO CHRIS LAUREL! LOVE MEGS
Bens is a kind, loving, gentle daddy. The girls adore him. (So do I!)At bed-time he read them a beautiful prayer from 'A Child's Book of Celtic Prayers', kindly given to Coco by her Godmother Becca when Coco and Eowyn's Grandpa baptised them last year at Holy Trinity, Clapham Common, London.
Empty and bereft I be; I cry to Thee; Mother me.
Angry and afraid I be; I long for Thee; Father me.
Slighted and alone I be; I reach for Thee; Stay by me.
Thwarted and cast down I be; I turn to thee; Hearten me.
Abandoned and forlorn I be; I run to thee; Rescue me.
Grieving and in pain I be; You come to me, Explain to me;
You feel for me; You weep for me; Redeeming me; Releasing me.
This glorious picture of Princess Eowyn is on my cell phone, so now you can see what I see! Tallapoosa is a river we crossed twice in western Georgia and eastern Alabama, and has become one of Eowyn's nicknames. Long story.
If you'd like to, we'd love it if you could pray for: Eowyn & me, who are having a hard time settling back into life-after-road-trip. Eowyn gets scared at night, because she is used to sleeping in the same room/tent trailer as Bens and me. (She and Coco are snuggled up in Coco's bed right now - they are such good friends!) I am feeling scared, too, in a kind of non-specific manner. Bens, who is really sick, and nonetheless working, as is his wont. Coco, who, like Bens, is very contented to be home!! She's having tests on the 12th at the children's hospital regarding her difficulty swallowing. We have to thicken all her fluids to help her learn to swallow properly.
Bens' Mum, Sue, has terminal cancer. Please pray for her, for healing and peace, miracles and hope, and for Bens' Dad, Ben, and his sister Kat and her Jim and us 4 at this time of sorrow.
Laurel and Chris, who are being married on the 9th. Laurel is doing much of the organising which is very overwhelming. Pray that she can ENJOY it all! The homeless youth at nhmin.org who'll be in the writing group I'm leading for the first time on the 26th, and me as I prepare for it. April & co. as they prepare for their Canada adventure (which includes us! Yay!) My family scattered all about the world - Dad, Mum, Tom-Anita-Eddie-&-Baby, Rachel-&-Victor, My sister Seren, Sam-&-Becca & Emma-dog! Thanks!! Love, Megs